Opinion Blog

Ask a Psychologist

Helping Students Thrive Now

Angela Duckworth and other behavioral-science experts offer advice to teachers based on scientific research. To submit questions, use this form or #helpstudentsthrive. Read more from this blog.

Student Well-Being Opinion

Has a Student Ever Caught You Being Less Than Honest? What to Do About It

You have to walk the walk
By Uri Gneezy — March 29, 2023 1 min read
How do I teach students to be honest?
  • Save to favorites
  • Print

How do I teach students to be honest?

If we want students to be honest, teachers need to be honest. Here’s something I wrote related to the topic for Character Lab as a Tip of the Week:

When my son Ron was young, I told him not to lie—being honest is what separates the good guys from the bad guys. But this lesson soon got me into trouble.

One day, I took Ron to Disney World, and as we waited in line to purchase tickets, I saw a sign that said, “Under 3 years old: Free. Three and older: $117.

When it was our time to pay, the cashier asked me how old Ron was, and I replied, “Almost 3.” Technically, I wasn’t lying: He was almost 3, but from the wrong side. His third birthday was a few months earlier.

A couple of minutes later, Ron said, “Daddy, I’m confused. You told me only bad guys lie and you just did.”

I was caught. What message did I just send my kid? I told him one thing—don’t lie—but acted differently in the face of a $117 incentive, sending a mixed signal.

You can tell everyone that you care about honesty, but talk is cheap. To avoid sending such mixed signals to your kid, you need to set up strong consequences in advance. For example, if you want to convince your teen that texting while driving is a really bad idea, you would make the categorical decision never to touch your phone in the car. And you’d set a punishment—say, your children can report you to your spouse—if you do.

After 3-year-old Ron saw me sneak him into the park for free, he learned a lesson—just not the one I wanted to teach. When we got to the Dumbo ride, which was restricted to ages 4 and up, he told the operator he was 4 and, therefore, old enough to go on the ride. Not surprisingly, he learned from the wrong signal.

Don’t believe that just telling kids to do the right thing will be effective.

Do use incentives to help yourself model ethical behavior. Put money in a jar to donate to charity if you curse or when you’re late for an appointment. Your actions send a signal about what you really care about, and your kids are observing your signals.

Related Tags:

The opinions expressed in Ask a Psychologist: Helping Students Thrive Now are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

Events

Budget & Finance Webinar Leverage New Funding Sources with Data-Informed Practices
Address the whole child using data-informed practices, gain valuable insights, and learn strategies that can benefit your district.
This content is provided by our sponsor. It is not written by and does not necessarily reflect the views of Education Week's editorial staff.
Sponsor
Classroom Technology Webinar
ChatGPT & Education: 8 Ways AI Improves Student Outcomes
Revolutionize student success! Don't miss our expert-led webinar demonstrating practical ways AI tools will elevate learning experiences.
Content provided by Inzata
Classroom Technology K-12 Essentials Forum Tech Is Everywhere. But Is It Making Schools Better?
Join us for a lively discussion about the ways that technology is being used to improve schools and how it is falling short.

EdWeek Top School Jobs

Teacher Jobs
Search over ten thousand teaching jobs nationwide — elementary, middle, high school and more.
View Jobs
Principal Jobs
Find hundreds of jobs for principals, assistant principals, and other school leadership roles.
View Jobs
Administrator Jobs
Over a thousand district-level jobs: superintendents, directors, more.
View Jobs
Support Staff Jobs
Search thousands of jobs, from paraprofessionals to counselors and more.
View Jobs

Read Next

Student Well-Being How Principals Can Help Support Students Through a Mental Health Crisis
Principals know the challenges—and can help with solutions.
5 min read
mental health 182746825
WoodenheadWorld/E+/Getty
Student Well-Being Chaplains Could Work as School Counselors Under Bill Passed in Texas
Critics see the measure as a continuation of the erosion of the concept of separating church from state.
3 min read
This June 1, 2021, file photo shows the State Capitol in Austin, Texas.
This June 1, 2021, file photo shows the State Capitol in Austin, Texas.
Eric Gay/AP
Student Well-Being 4 States Consider Mandating Fentanyl Prevention Education in Schools
Oregon is poised to adopt the legislation, but drug education in schools is often weak or underemphasized.
4 min read
Photograph of Fentanyl opioid narcotic teaching awareness tools sitting on a definition page
Bojan Vujicic/iStock/Getty<br/>
Student Well-Being The U.S. Surgeon General's Warning About Social Media and What It Means for Schools
Schools have been ringing alarm bells over social media and kids' mental health. Now their cause is getting a major boost.
6 min read
Conceptual image of a young person engaged in social media.
YoGinta/iStock/Getty