The majority of teachers—around 55%—begin their careers in their early 20s, when most are childless. They must navigate the ins and outs of educating and building relationships with students and, by extension, their parents, without having firsthand experience of raising children.
But many teachers eventually do have children of their own. About half of all public school K-12 teachers are parents whose children live at home with them. Then what?
“For me, becoming a foster parent expanded my understanding of children in ways no degree or professional development ever could,” said Charles Longshore, principal of Hayden Middle School in Alabama, his state’s Assistant Principal of the Year for 2024.
Other educators agree: Parenthood changes the lens through which they see their students. Teacher-parents also say it influences how they approach their profession in general—from the way they educate students to how they communicate with those students’ parents.
While teacher-parents acknowledge that parenthood brings new job-related challenges, some point out that schools could benefit by enlisting their input on broad education policy issues, given their unique perspective.
Parenthood changes how teachers perceive and interact with students
For Kendall Slade, a 7th grade teacher at Flett Middle School in Spokane, Wash., and mother to an infant son, the shift in how she perceived her students was fairly immediate.
“Now when I approach kids, it’s not ‘What did you do wrong?’ ... I’m like, ‘Hey, what’s going on? What can I help with?’” said Slade, who shared her experience in an article on her district’s website.
The reason for her change is straightforward. Slade said she tries to treat her students how she hopes teachers will one day treat her son.
Having a front-row seat to the burdens that adolescents grapple with outside of the classroom, like figuring out how they want to identify, and with whom, can also influence how teacher-parents respond to students in the classroom, said Michael Rubin, principal of Uxbridge High School in Massachusetts and the 2020 Massachusetts Principal of the Year.
“I think they’re more in tune with student life and the social side of things, the challenges that kids are facing,” Rubin said.
Matthew Sloane agrees that teacher-parents’ lived experience generally makes them more aware of the behind-the-scenes baggage students can carry.
“Having children does not make you a better person or teacher,” said Sloane, principal of Middleburgh Jr./Sr. High School in Schoharie County, N.Y., and the 2024 New York State Secondary Principal of the Year. “But it does allow you to empathize, understand the schedules students have, and the family dynamics that influence behaviors more.”
In his experience, Sloane said, teachers who do not have children of their own tend to write more discipline referrals, take missing assignments more personally, and be stricter graders.
Longshore, the Alabama principal, said being a foster parent has made him look harder at the “why” behind the “what” of students’ attitudes and behaviors.
“It taught me that every behavior has a story behind it, that trust must be earned gently, and that consistency can be a lifeline for a child navigating uncertainty,” he said.
Since becoming a parent, Longshore said he finds himself slowing down more when talking with students, listening to them differently, and responding “with a steadier grace.”
Communicating with parents: seeing their side
Parent-teacher communication can be a particularly fraught part of teaching for any educator. Forty percent of K-12 public school educators reported that parents communicate with them disrespectfully “at least sometimes” in a 2023 national Pew Research Center survey.
The movement by parents to gain more control over their children’s education, bolstered by state legislation, has exacerbated the discord and general distrust between parents and educators. Chris Dier, a history teacher at Benjamin Franklin High School in New Orleans and the 2020 Louisiana Teacher of the Year, told Education Week in 2023 that a proposed federal parents’ bill of rights would “make teachers’ jobs harder by creating a narrative of teachers as shadowy bureaucrats or petty tyrants suppressing parents.”
But when it comes to one-on-one communication between teachers and parents, some say that the experience of having their own children helps them look at the relationship differently.
“I understand things in a different light. I can look at parents and say, ‘As a mom, here’s what I would want to know,’” said Slade, the middle school teacher in Spokane, Wash.
Administrator-parent Rubin, in Massachusetts, reports taking a similar approach, especially when he’s on the receiving end of parents’ frustration.
“I can sometimes put myself in their shoes and think: OK, if I were dealing with this through the lens of my own children, how would I want [the administrator] to respond?” he said. “It definitely brings a different level of empathy into the conversation.”
Straddling the teaching and parenting worlds
Being “on” all day as a teacher and coming home to children who need attention is taxing. It can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt, not unlike those felt by all working parents—that you’re not doing a “good enough” job at either work or home. That working-parent guilt tends to get ratcheted up a notch among teachers, say some.
“While we struggle to go above and beyond for our students, we have to do the same for our own children. We often have to make decisions that force us to choose between our personal and professional responsibilities, and we may feel guilty for not giving enough to one or the other,” Michele Lamons-Raiford, an English/American Sign Language Teacher at Pinole Valley High School in California’s Bay Area, wrote in an email.
Teacher-parents can be stretched in multiple directions. But their broad perspective makes them uniquely qualified to serve as decisionmakers in the education space, said Lamons-Raiford.
“Parents who are teachers should be at the forefront of education policy reform,” she said. “They see firsthand how education policies impact their students in the classroom as well as on their own children who are navigating the educational system.”
And yet, being a parent could work against educators seeking a job or new opportunity. Rubin, the Massachusetts principal, said he works to tamp down any biases during the hiring process that, for instance, might call into question a parent’s ability to fully commit to a job.
“I don’t even let that enter into the conversation,” said Rubin. A few years ago, he hired an educator with five children. Some questioned the decision, he believes. But the employee has shown absolute commitment to the job, he noted.
“For me, personally, I’m looking for the best candidate,” Rubin said. “If they happen to be a parent, great. If they happen to be single, great. If they happen to be 80 years old and past child-rearing, great.”
