Opinion Blog

Ask a Psychologist

Helping Students Thrive Now

Angela Duckworth and other behavioral-science experts offer advice to teachers based on scientific research. To submit questions, use this form or #helpstudentsthrive. Read more from this blog.

Teaching Opinion

The Key to Understanding What Your Students Are Thinking

By Hunter Gehlbach — April 28, 2021 2 min read
How do I know I'm reading other people correctly?
  • Save to favorites
  • Print

I know it’s important to try to see things from other people’s perspective, but how do I do that?
To properly read people, you need to step back and ask yourself the right questions. Here are some of the common pitfalls and how to avoid them, which I wrote about recently for Character Lab as a Tip of the Week:
After weeks of strange and elaborate explanations, our kindergartner’s long con finally crumbled. Her school politely called to say that the lunch money they had been fronting our little one would not continue. They hoped we would reconcile the debt to avoid the awkwardness of refusing to feed a 5-year-old.
This unexpected news explained why our budding con artist had been returning home with a nearly full lunch box for weeks. Her discovery that announcing her name to the cafeteria ladies could procure chocolate milk soon evolved into her obtaining complete (and tasty) school lunches. Yet, this information failed to explain how two well-educated parents—one of whom specifically studies how people perceive each other—misread their daughter so badly. We never doubted her increasingly fantastic explanations for the re-emergent (and healthy) homemade lunch.
Reading others is as challenging as it is crucial. Our daily acts of social perspective taking—figuring out others’ thoughts and feelings, perceptions and motivations—guide our behaviors toward others. They form the building blocks for all our social relationships. For the most part, we strive to read others accurately, but research indicates that two motives frequently derail us.
First, reading other people is frustratingly hard work. If you can take mental shortcuts or render a quick judgment, you often do. When our daughter told us she couldn’t eat because all her friends were talking at lunch, it sounded a little weird. But accepting her explanation required less effort than probing further.
Second, reading others entails risk. Sometimes you learn uncomfortable truths that threaten your sense of self. By not developing alternative theories, we avoided even considering what raising an ethically challenged child might say about us as parents.
So how do you avert these pitfalls? One strategy is to think like a detective: Consider multiple reasons why someone might act in a certain way, then look for evidence to support or disconfirm each of those reasons.
Suppose a student thinks their teacher harbors a personal vendetta against them. Indulge them that the vendetta idea is possible. But then have them develop at least two competing theories and explore the evidence for and against each one: When did the teacher start acting this way? Do others receive similar treatment?
Don’t succumb to your inner Judge Judy. Strong convictions that you know others’ thoughts and feelings based on their outward behavior may feel reassuring. But this false sense of certainty eliminates your curiosity to learn about others’ inner motivations.
Do channel Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple. The process of reading others requires ongoing detective work. You’ll have to tolerate uncertainty while testing multiple theories and weighing evidence. However, as a reward for your efforts, you will reap deeper, more accurate insights into what makes others tick.

Related Tags:

The opinions expressed in Ask a Psychologist: Helping Students Thrive Now are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

Events

This content is provided by our sponsor. It is not written by and does not necessarily reflect the views of Education Week's editorial staff.
Sponsor
Equity & Diversity Webinar
Classroom Strategies for Building Equity and Student Confidence
Shape equity, confidence, and success for your middle school students. Join the discussion and Q&A for proven strategies.
Content provided by Project Lead The Way
This content is provided by our sponsor. It is not written by and does not necessarily reflect the views of Education Week's editorial staff.
Sponsor
Professional Development Webinar
Disrupting PD Day in Schools with Continuous Professional Learning Experiences
Hear how this NC School District achieved district-wide change by shifting from traditional PD days to year-long professional learning cycles
Content provided by BetterLesson
Jobs Virtual Career Fair for Teachers and K-12 Staff
Find teaching jobs and other jobs in K-12 education at the EdWeek Top School Jobs virtual career fair.

EdWeek Top School Jobs

Teacher Jobs
Search over ten thousand teaching jobs nationwide — elementary, middle, high school and more.
View Jobs
Principal Jobs
Find hundreds of jobs for principals, assistant principals, and other school leadership roles.
View Jobs
Administrator Jobs
Over a thousand district-level jobs: superintendents, directors, more.
View Jobs
Support Staff Jobs
Search thousands of jobs, from paraprofessionals to counselors and more.
View Jobs

Read Next

Teaching Opinion Peer Observations Can Make Us Better Teachers. Here's How
Study what colleagues do in their classrooms to learn how to improve your craft and discover what to avoid.
18 min read
Images shows colorful speech bubbles that say "Q," "&," and "A."
iStock/Getty
Teaching Reports Student Motivation: Student and Educator Perceptions
Based on survey results from students and educators, this report examines strategies that might bolster student engagement and motivation.
Teaching Opinion Teaching Is About the Messy Work of Being Human. Here's How to Embrace It
It's OK to feel uncomfortable as you work with your students; it can even be a better choice than trying to control the learning process.
15 min read
Images shows colorful speech bubbles that say "Q," "&," and "A."
iStock/Getty
Teaching Should Students Get a 'Do Over'? The Debate on Grading and Re-Doing Assignments Deepens
Amid diverging opinions on the practice, a grading expert weighs in.
4 min read
Tight crop of female hands grading papers.
iStock/Getty