Opinion Blog

Ask a Psychologist

Helping Students Thrive Now

Angela Duckworth and other behavioral-science experts offer advice to teachers based on scientific research. To submit questions, use this form or #helpstudentsthrive. Read more from this blog.

Teaching Opinion

The Key to Understanding What Your Students Are Thinking

By Hunter Gehlbach — April 28, 2021 2 min read
How do I know I'm reading other people correctly?
  • Save to favorites
  • Print

I know it’s important to try to see things from other people’s perspective, but how do I do that?
To properly read people, you need to step back and ask yourself the right questions. Here are some of the common pitfalls and how to avoid them, which I wrote about recently for Character Lab as a Tip of the Week:
After weeks of strange and elaborate explanations, our kindergartner’s long con finally crumbled. Her school politely called to say that the lunch money they had been fronting our little one would not continue. They hoped we would reconcile the debt to avoid the awkwardness of refusing to feed a 5-year-old.
This unexpected news explained why our budding con artist had been returning home with a nearly full lunch box for weeks. Her discovery that announcing her name to the cafeteria ladies could procure chocolate milk soon evolved into her obtaining complete (and tasty) school lunches. Yet, this information failed to explain how two well-educated parents—one of whom specifically studies how people perceive each other—misread their daughter so badly. We never doubted her increasingly fantastic explanations for the re-emergent (and healthy) homemade lunch.
Reading others is as challenging as it is crucial. Our daily acts of social perspective taking—figuring out others’ thoughts and feelings, perceptions and motivations—guide our behaviors toward others. They form the building blocks for all our social relationships. For the most part, we strive to read others accurately, but research indicates that two motives frequently derail us.
First, reading other people is frustratingly hard work. If you can take mental shortcuts or render a quick judgment, you often do. When our daughter told us she couldn’t eat because all her friends were talking at lunch, it sounded a little weird. But accepting her explanation required less effort than probing further.
Second, reading others entails risk. Sometimes you learn uncomfortable truths that threaten your sense of self. By not developing alternative theories, we avoided even considering what raising an ethically challenged child might say about us as parents.
So how do you avert these pitfalls? One strategy is to think like a detective: Consider multiple reasons why someone might act in a certain way, then look for evidence to support or disconfirm each of those reasons.
Suppose a student thinks their teacher harbors a personal vendetta against them. Indulge them that the vendetta idea is possible. But then have them develop at least two competing theories and explore the evidence for and against each one: When did the teacher start acting this way? Do others receive similar treatment?
Don’t succumb to your inner Judge Judy. Strong convictions that you know others’ thoughts and feelings based on their outward behavior may feel reassuring. But this false sense of certainty eliminates your curiosity to learn about others’ inner motivations.
Do channel Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple. The process of reading others requires ongoing detective work. You’ll have to tolerate uncertainty while testing multiple theories and weighing evidence. However, as a reward for your efforts, you will reap deeper, more accurate insights into what makes others tick.

Related Tags:

The opinions expressed in Ask a Psychologist: Helping Students Thrive Now are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

Events

This content is provided by our sponsor. It is not written by and does not necessarily reflect the views of Education Week's editorial staff.
Sponsor
Professional Development Webinar
Strategies for Improving Student Outcomes with Teacher-Student Relationships
Explore strategies for strengthening teacher-student relationships and hear how districts are putting these methods into practice to support positive student outcomes.
Content provided by Panorama Education
This content is provided by our sponsor. It is not written by and does not necessarily reflect the views of Education Week's editorial staff.
Sponsor
Classroom Technology Webinar
Transform Teaching and Learning with AI
Increase productivity and support innovative teaching with AI in the classroom.
Content provided by Promethean
Curriculum Webinar Computer Science Education Movement Gathers Momentum. How Should Schools React?
Discover how schools can expand opportunities for students to study computer science education.

EdWeek Top School Jobs

Teacher Jobs
Search over ten thousand teaching jobs nationwide — elementary, middle, high school and more.
View Jobs
Principal Jobs
Find hundreds of jobs for principals, assistant principals, and other school leadership roles.
View Jobs
Administrator Jobs
Over a thousand district-level jobs: superintendents, directors, more.
View Jobs
Support Staff Jobs
Search thousands of jobs, from paraprofessionals to counselors and more.
View Jobs

Read Next

Teaching Opinion New Book Offers Tried-and-True Advice on Classroom Practice
American education has a thing for shiny “innovations," but sometimes sensible, effective advice of experienced teachers is what is best.
3 min read
Image shows a multi-tailed arrow hitting the bullseye of a target.
DigitalVision Vectors/Getty
Teaching Opinion From Reading Instruction to Teacher Leadership: 1,000 Educators Share Their Advice
For more than a decade, Larry Ferlazzo has been curating intelligence from colleagues and K-12 experts. Read what they have to say.
1 min read
Images shows colorful speech bubbles that say "Q," "&," and "A."
iStock/Getty
Teaching Opinion The Danger With Giving Students Feedback
Feedback works best when it's just one step in a learning process, writes Alfie Kohn.
Alfie Kohn
5 min read
Illustration of teacher and students walking away from a spotlight shinning on an empty school desk and chair
J.R. Bee for Education Week
Teaching Opinion Collaborate With Your Colleagues. You'll Prosper and So Will Your Students
Teachers can learn a lot from their peers and all the other staff members in their school.
4 min read
A team of people work together to build a block structure.
Imam Fathoni/iStock<br/>