Imagine it’s 7:30 a.m. You’re a school leader. Your assistant has just called out sick—for the fourth day in a row.
What’s your first instinct? Fire off a frustrated text? Gossip to a colleague? Or pause, take a breath, and respond differently: Maybe I should check in and offer support.
That moment—choosing a thoughtful response over a reactive one—is emotional intelligence in action. It’s aligning your emotions with your values and goals.
But if the last few years have taught school leaders anything, it’s to expect the unexpected and to recognize that every crisis is also a test of emotional intelligence.
Sure, managing student crises, de-escalating staff conflicts, and restoring calm has always been part of the job. But today’s challenges are on another scale. The stress has been relentless, pushing many leaders to the brink of burnout or out of the education profession altogether. Data from 2021 reveal that about 21% of U.S. adults have reported symptoms of anxiety or depression. Educators are among the hardest hit. Stress and burnout is a leading reason teachers and principals consider leaving the profession.
But there’s hope. A recent study with over 7,000 educators led by two of us (James Floman and Marc Brackett) at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence found that educators who viewed their school leaders as skilled in emotion regulation and in providing greater emotional support reported higher well-being—both during a typical school year and amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
How a principal manages emotions—their own and those of their staff (known as interpersonal regulation)—isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s about being emotionally skillful. And our research shows this skill set is a game-changer for teacher retention, job satisfaction, and school sustainability.
Crises reveal a school leader’s emotional intelligence. Some provide calm and clarity. Others let their anxiety, frustration, or fear ripple through the school community, escalating stress and uncertainty.
Emotions are contagious. When principals struggle to regulate their emotions, their staff struggle. Educators working for school leaders who are emotionally disconnected or unsupportive miss more work, feel less engaged, report more health issues, and are more likely to want to quit.
Conversely, our research found that emotionally intelligent school leaders—those who regulate their emotions and offer meaningful emotional support—foster teams with less emotional exhaustion and more positive emotion, lower intent to leave, and greater job satisfaction.
Even as far back as 1994, researchers found that educators consider emotional support essential to their well-being and job satisfaction. Yet, more recent research shows that many principals in hard-to-staff schools believed they were offering more support than their staff actually felt. The gap is real—and closing it could keep thousands of educators in the field, healthier, and more fulfilled.
Emotional support is about helping others regulate their emotions. In principals, it can look like listening to teachers without judgment, acknowledging the emotional weight of their job, or creating a culture in which educators and staff feel safe to speak honestly because they trust their emotions won’t be used against them.
These actions may seem simple, but they’re difficult to practice consistently, especially under stress. Some may not even know what it takes to be emotionally intelligent. The good news? School leaders can learn.
But we can’t expect them to do this work alone. To begin training and cultivating emotionally intelligent principals, state and district leaders must:
- Model emotional intelligence at every level: Board members, superintendents, and other district leaders must walk the talk. When those at the top consistently demonstrate self-awareness, empathy, and emotion regulation, they set a standard for the entire system. Modeling includes how leaders respond under pressure, how they handle disagreement, and how they repair after conflict. Investing in their own emotional growth shows that emotional intelligence is not just for students or teachers—it’s a leadership imperative.
- Prioritize emotional intelligence in leadership standards: Emotional intelligence should be embedded in the competencies we expect from all educational leaders. Just as districts require knowledge of curriculum, they should require proficiency in emotion regulation, empathy, and relationship-building. These skills impact everything from school climate to staff retention.
- Fund evidence-based training: Districts must allocate resources for professional development—at all levels—that’s grounded in science. That includes ongoing training—not just one-off workshops—that is scaffolded and builds leaders’ capacity to recognize, understand, and regulate emotions. Programs like RULER or trainings aligned with the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning offer proven methods to strengthen emotional intelligence.
- Include emotional intelligence in hiring and evaluation: Emotional intelligence must be a factor in both selecting and assessing school leaders. Interviews should include questions that probe for self-awareness and past behavior under stress. Evaluations should measure how leaders foster a positive school climate and respond to emotional needs—not just test scores or budgets.
The social and financial toll of burnout on educators is staggering—and rising. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If we want sustainable schools where both educators and students thrive, we must invest in emotionally intelligent leadership—through training, funding, and systemic support.
Educators have been telling us for decades: They need more than logistical fixes. They need leaders who care, who listen, who understand.
The question isn’t whether we can afford to invest in the emotional intelligence of school leaders. It’s whether we can afford not to.
Opinions are the authors’ own and do not reflect those of Yale School of Medicine.
