Returning to school is an exciting time for students, teachers, and administrators. The new school year holds so much promise for student growth and development. We know positive parent involvement leads to better student achievement, but we also understand that communication between teachers and parents can be fraught with anxiety and conflict—in part because teachers and parents typically receive little guidance on how to effectively communicate with each other.
Based on our more than 50 combined years working in education and consulting, we provide three practical recommendations for teachers that can help lay the foundation for great parent-teacher communication and productive, working relationships: Convey empathy, express your interest in helping the student succeed, and collaborate.
Let’s look at a common type of parent email, a concern expressed by a parent to their child’s teacher in an unhelpful manner. Take for example an email Adam once received from the parent of a student in his math class:
“Dr. Berger, Kayla came home today extremely upset about the test she took in class. You didn’t teach some of the material. You also made the test too long, so she didn’t have enough time to finish. I’m really worried.”
Teachers may find this email difficult to read for two reasons. First, no teacher likes to hear that a student is extremely upset about something that happened in class.
Second, the email is accusatory, implying the teacher did a poor job by not teaching some material and making a test that was too long. (A more helpful email would have first started with a comment acknowledging the teacher’s work or mentioning something positive about the class and would have expressed the concern in a nonjudgmental way while sticking to the facts.)
Many teachers reply defensively to unhelpful emails by immediately trying to set the record straight, which tends to escalate rather than reduce conflict. But by first establishing a positive tone, a teacher can help parents feel more receptive. Simply stating facts from the teacher’s point of view typically does not produce the desired result and, in this case, may lead the parent to defend Kayla and criticize the teacher.
However, if the parent believes the teacher is empathic and sincerely wants Kayla to succeed, the parent is more likely to hear the teacher’s insights and collaborate toward a solution.
Let’s follow our recommendations to craft a response email.
Convey empathy. Identifying, acknowledging, and responding to another person’s feelings helps build stronger relationships. Parents want to know a teacher is listening carefully and understands their concern, and by reiterating the concern, the teacher ensures they are addressing the right problem. In this situation, that would mean a reply beginning with something like, “I understand you are worried about Kayla’s test and I share your concern.”
Express your interest in helping the student succeed. Every teacher wants their students to do well, to help children learn and grow. That’s why they became teachers! Don’t assume parents and students always believe this; a teacher can’t say often enough how much they want a student to do well in their class. A parent who believes the teacher has their child’s interests at heart will generally listen and work more collaboratively with the teacher. Continue the reply with, “I really want Kayla to be successful in this class and I know you do, too.”
Collaborate. Develop a solution together. The parent, student, and teacher should come up with a mutually agreeable plan. Involving all three parties when developing the plan ensures everyone owns the solution and is on the same page.
For this example, determining what happened on the test and the best plan moving forward would be too burdensome to accomplish over email, so we would conclude the response by suggesting a phone call with Kayla and her parent: “Can we set up a time for the three of us to talk about the test and a plan for Kayla going forward? Let me know if any of these times work for both of you.” The goal of the phone call would be to agree on the facts, determine the source of Kayla’s difficulty, and develop a plan for Kayla to be successful going forward.
After sending an email with the above components, Adam followed up with a phone call, again employing our three recommendations: beginning the call by empathizing with the parent’s and Kayla’s concern over her trouble on the test, reiterating his desire to see Kayla succeed, and noting how important it was to develop an improvement plan together. In the ensuing discussion, Kayla acknowledged that she had not prepared well for the test, and Adam realized that there was one problem on the test that he hadn’t taught.
Together, they developed a plan to improve Kayla’s learning and retention, and Adam gave all students in the class credit for the test problem that he hadn’t taught. Kayla and her parent were pleased with the outcome and Kayla went on to achieve well in math the rest of the school year.
Parents and teachers share a desire to see students succeed. Effective communication facilitates this goal. Too often, teachers and parents communicate poorly and place unnecessary roadblocks on the path to student success. We hope our recommendations help all parents and teachers communicate effectively this school year, strengthen relationships, and improve student achievement.
