I just needed someone to talk to.
I sat hunched in my black leather swivel chair, head in my hands, overwhelmed by the weight of a decision I didn’t want to make alone. I had recently moved from a team of secondary administrators to a solo elementary leadership role and I felt like Tom Hanks in “Castaway”: I had landed on an island. In that moment, more than anything, what I needed most was a teammate to simply listen.
We often picture successful leaders as confident and assured, but the truth is that we can be painfully lonely. That feeling of isolation is particularly acute for those of us in smaller schools or single-administrator buildings who do not have a team there with us. The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way.
In this biweekly column, principals and other authorities on school leadership—including researchers, education professors, district administrators, and assistant principals—offer timely and timeless advice for their peers.
Leadership should not be a solitary act but one deeply rooted in collaboration and mentorship.
Unlike Tom Hanks, we don’t have to stay on our deserted island talking to a volleyball—we have options.
Through coaching, collaboration, and networking, I found meaningful ways to connect and grow. These connections have made me a stronger, more attuned leader. Here are three tried-and-true ways I’ve found to combat leadership loneliness:
Executive coaching
For the past two years, I’ve partnered with Lindsey Lynch, an executive coach who has challenged and supported me with candor and compassion. Having this personal sounding board has proved to be one of the most transformative shifts in my professional career.
As leaders, we pour so much into those around us, but who pours into us? A skilled coach offers more than feedback; they provide perspective, emotional grounding, and a safe space to be vulnerable, seen, and heard.
My coach’s guidance has helped me navigate tough decisions, explore innovative ideas, and refine my school’s vision and community agreements. When I was grappling with making professional learning engaging and meaningful for staff, she suggested a structure that I still use today.
In 1978, psychologist Lev Vygotsky identified the zone of proximal development, or the space in which the mentorship of a “more knowledgeable other” can push a learner beyond their individual capacity. As coaching empowered me to stretch beyond what I could accomplish on my own, I was reminded that this theory applies to adults just as much as it does to children.
Local learning networks
In my home state, our regional education agencies offer school leaders professional learning opportunities. One of the most valuable opportunities I found was the Principal Council Study in Chester County, Pa.
This group of administrators meets quarterly to engage with speakers, share lunch, and collaborate as a community of practice. Over the years, this network has given me the chance to learn from both outside education experts and, most importantly, my peers.
Every session provides me with a dose of energy and new insights to bring back to my school. Hearing a colleague share adjustments they made to support their instructional aides inspired me to do the same. To this day, I continue to implement mini-professional learning opportunities for my aides throughout the school year.
When I first heard author George Couros speak to the group about The Innovator’s Mindset back in 2015, I was just entering leadership. His session planted a seed that has since grown into my personal philosophy: continuous improvement and relentless curiosity.
This network reminds me that growth doesn’t happen alone but within a community of leaders hungry to learn and grow together.
Virtual professional learning networks
While social media can be overwhelming, using it purposefully can be a springboard for connection and growth. As psychologist Albert Bandura’s social learning theory reminds us, we grow by observing and modeling the behaviors of others. For leaders, this means intentionally surrounding ourselves with a key network of individuals who facilitate and enhance our learning.
Years ago, when I first joined Twitter, I could have never imagined all the inspiration I would find from other professionals seeking the same connection I was. On social media, I’ve connected with educators across the globe, sharing ideas and posing questions. When I was completing my doctoral work on professional learning communities, I was able to harness my virtual PLN to gather insight and real-world examples to inform my study.
After reading a thread about a student-voices group, I explored ways to implement something similar at the elementary level. I am now moving into year three of implementation with this group as we generate ideas to improve the student experience in our school.
You do not have to go it alone. In an age where disconnection and unrelenting stress are common, especially for school leaders, seeking collaboration is a courageous and necessary act.
The choice to connect is within reach and within your power. As we approach the end of another school year, and reflection time and planning kick in, ask yourself: Who’s in your corner? And what will you do to make sure you’re not leading alone?
