For 17-year-old Warren Coates, a teacher who’s taken the time to build a relationship with him is highly motivating.
“When there’s a teacher that I have a relationship with, I—100 percent—try harder in class. Even if I got no sleep the night before, I’ll stay up for first period because I like the teacher,” said Warren, a senior at Smyrna High School in central Delaware.
More than a dozen other boys interviewed by Education Week also strongly agreed that their performance in class depended on their relationship with the teacher. So, too, did over 1,000 male middle and high school students from six countries, including the United States, and various backgrounds (from well-resourced to impoverished) who participated in a study on the subject.
Despite the well-established body of research on the importance of student-teacher relationships, there has been less focus on how boys, specifically, relate to their teachers, who are predominately female. The overwhelming affirmation from boys that positive relationships with teachers matter to their academic motivation and success has come as a surprise to some—even those who study boys for a living.
“Why didn’t we know that boys were so clear that they need that relationship with their teachers?” asked Michael C. Reichert, co-author of the aforementioned study and executive director of the Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives at the University of Pennsylvania.
The answer is somewhat complicated. But it’s worth examining, mental health and education experts say, as it’s the first step toward breaking down barriers to establishing these connections—which, ultimately, prove beneficial to both students and teachers.
After all, boys on a whole are not reaching their full potential in school, data show. Stronger relationships with their teachers could be key to their success.
Gender stereotypes hurt teacher-student relationships, drive disciplinary actions
In order to build strong relationships, though, teachers first must recognize boys’ need to connect.
“The reason we’re surprised to find that boys are relational learners is the fog of stereotypes: We expect boys to be the independent, non-relational creatures that stereotypes would paint them as,” said Reichert, author of several books, including Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys: Strategies That Work—and Why. “And of course they’re not.”
Boys are expected to act emotionally stoic and physically tough, said Yvonne Skipper, a lecturer at University of Glasgow’s school of education whose research findings suggest that adolescent boys feel extreme pressure to conform to gender stereotypes.
In a 2021 study, Skipper and colleagues interviewed dozens of male and female students ages 13-14 about their perceptions of their school experiences in England. One of the male subjects reported, “It might be nice to be a girl, then you wouldn’t have to be emotionless.”
Teachers, however inadvertently, tend to promote gender stereotypes, too, suggest Skipper and other researchers.
An EdWeek Research Center survey of a nationally representative sample of K-12 teachers found that teachers generally consider boys to be less motivated than girls by a wide range of factors, including a desire to please the teacher.
“Many of my male students seem to dislike school,” one survey respondent wrote. Another said that girls “have time and again proved to me to be superior leaders, more motivated, and dedicated than many of their male counterparts.”
When teachers harbor stereotypes or negative perceptions of the boys in their classes, they may be less likely to develop positive relationships with those students, said Reichert, who delivers workshops to educators on approaching boys as “relational learners.”
“We get pushback from teachers, not just motivated by the additional burden [of being asked to implement one more classroom strategy], but because, for example, they’ve always regarded boys as feral beasts that need to be dominated and controlled,” Reichert said.
He suggests this perception is in part to blame for the disproportionately high discipline rates among boys, which begin in preschool and continue through high school.
Teachers bear the responsibility of establishing relationships with male students
Establishing and maintaining positive relationships with students takes work, especially when boys appear to resist teachers’ efforts to connect. But certain teacher behaviors can inspire even seemingly disengaged male students to engage in learning, according to the research of Reichert and colleagues, who surveyed over 1,200 middle and high school male students and 1,100 teachers in six countries.
When there’s a teacher that I have a relationship with, I—100 percent—try harder in class.
Reichert and collaborator Richard Hawley named eight best practices for teachers to build strong relationships with students, especially boys: Reach out often; demonstrate mastery of their subjects; maintain high standards; engage with a student’s personal interest or talent; find a common interest; point out a common characteristic with a student; respond to defiance with restraint; and be vulnerable about their own learning challenges.
Despite teachers’ best efforts, boys may not always respond to these gestures, Reichert said. But he urges teachers to maintain the role of relationship manager with students—regulating their own emotional reactions and maintaining their commitment to reaching boys by continuing to invite them to be partners in learning.
Brandon Mollett, academic dean at Boys’ Latin School of Maryland, an all-boys K-12 private school in Baltimore, agrees.
“You can’t bring frustration, you can’t bring disappointment and emotional aspects to your work when you’re a teacher,” he said. “You have these emotions, because it’s an emotional profession. But as a professional you have to do your best to manage that, and to see the best in each one of these students.”
Male teachers are a piece of the relationship-building puzzle
States and districts are working to recruit more men—especially men of color—into the teaching profession in hopes that they can serve as natural role models and relationship builders. Men make up 23 percent of the public school teaching force, and just 11 percent of elementary school teachers.
David Buskirk is among this small group. Buskirk, the 2024-25 Allegany County Teacher of the Year, is the only male kindergarten teacher in his Maryland county.
Buskirk teaches at Beall Elementary School in a rural corner of western Maryland where the majority of students come from low-income families and, by Buskirk’s estimates, live in households without an adult male figure emphasizing the importance of school.
“Boys, especially from lower-income families, many of them just don’t have male role models who are reading at home, who are interested in academics and education,” said Buskirk, a soft-spoken man with an easy-going disposition who takes seriously his importance in his students’ lives.
Buskirk acknowledges that he’s not as quick as most of his colleagues to reprimand the boys in his class, who, along with their female counterparts, routinely score well above average for their grade level on literacy-based Maryland College and Career Readiness standards.
“My students know I’m not going to jump on them or be super strict with them with little behavior things. I try to put myself in their shoes with what they’re going through, and I know that kindergarten is a big scary time for them,” said Buskirk, adding that his biggest priority is providing his young students with a strong foundation in learning.
“I want them to come to school and to love school,” he said. Buskirk added that he feels fairly confident that his students do love coming to school, and that they love their teacher, too.
His principal, Shannon Ralston, said Buskirk creates a learning environment that goes well beyond academics—one that builds trust among the children in his class.
Male teachers, especially those who teach elementary students, tend to see strong student relationships as an important part of their profession. In a 2021 study that surveyed male elementary school teachers, about half of whom were men of color, respondents overwhelmingly reported that relationships with their students were central to their work.
But teachers needn’t be the same gender or race as their students to form strong bonds, insists Reichert. Any teacher can connect with boys.
‘Non-transactional’ parts of the school day help foster deeper relationships
Incorporating non-transactional aspects to the school day can help establish positive student-teacher relationships, educators said.
“Schools by nature are transactional. You go to school, you get a grade, you’re asked to produce. You’re essentially judged on what you produce,” Mollett said. “That is a barrier to building relationships.”
Mollett said the faculty members at Boys’ Latin have worked hard to leave room during the school day for students and teachers to interact outside of class. For example, leading student advisory groups and sponsoring student-run clubs allow teachers to see students in a new light.
“When teachers are encouraged to see the good in kids, and when you provide a complementary system where there’s more parts that are positive than negative, you build trust. And relationships are founded on trust,” he said. “I think that’s often a missing piece at schools.”
This story is part of a special reporting project exploring why boys, overall, are doing worse in school than girls—and what can be done to reverse the trend.
Why school isn’t working for many boys: Teachers report in a new survey that boys are less motivated and focused than their female counterparts.
The data are clear: Girls, on average, find more success at school than boys. Explore key data points highlighting these disparities.
Reimagining what schools can look like: Find out how four schools get boys excited about learning.
Student-teacher relationships matter: The key to inspiring boys in the classroom is a strong student-teacher relationship, experts say. Here’s how to make it work.
Why boys don’t want to become teachers: Boys would benefit from more male role models in the classroom. Here’s what schools can do about it.
A downloadable tip sheet: Boys are relational learners, experts say. Here are eight key strategies on how to reach them.
