The Smartest Kid in America

By James R. Delisle

Recently, the Fox Television Network, in a bold and misbegotten attempt to garner high ratings during the "sweeps month" of May, decided to locate the smartest kid in America. Call it a pint-sized version of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?," for the questions dealt with the kinds of trivia important only on game shows or their educational equivalent, those silly state competency tests that inflict pain on students and teachers nationwide.

So, the smartest-kid nominees paraded onto the stage; a beauty pageant of the mind, with the contestants wearing just a tad less makeup than JonBenet Ramsey often wore to events like these. Each spoke about academic accomplishments that would make viewers go "Wow!" and, like their Miss America equivalents, some of the kids spoke of their future goals and ambitions as scientists or technicians or doctors.

The competition began, the questions were asked, and child after child fell victim to one of the most common maladies of being human: They made errors. When it got down to the last two contestants, the tension was as high as the stakes. Face it, in the world of competitive TV, there lies a big gulf between being named "The Smartest Kid in America" and being...