(Curtain rises. A 30-something mom is loosely holding a newspaper. Visible is a headline reading, “Officials uncertain about impending impact of Y2K.”)

Act 1: (Actress stares morosely into distance.) Sheesh. It’s the year 2000 already and I still have no credible way of knowing how well my kid is doing, or even whether our school is doing okay. And I majored in statistics at State—I know the numbers we have are garbage.

Act 2: (Actress smiles winningly.) That No Child Left Behind Act seems like a good idea. I know it’s really only about reading and math, but that stuff matters. Now we’ll all know how Scooter and his classmates are doing and we’ll be able to keep an eye on the school. This kind of spotlight makes a lot of sense.

Act 3: (Actress wears a rueful look.) Geez, it feels like our school has gone a little test-crazy. The school is always giving “formative” tests, telling us how kids are doing on the state tests, and holding rallies to focus kids on the tests. Testing for reading and math makes sense, but this is all a little too much.

Act 4: (Actress looks frustrated.) So now they’re saying the solution to test overload is longer, better tests—because teachers can’t teach to them. I’m not sold. First off, I’m not sure these new tests are so great. Second, sure seems like the school is still obsessed with them.

Act 5: (Dry ice helps steam rise from actress’s ears.) Ten hours of testing! Seriously?! I’m glad we’re trying to help kids who’ve been left behind. But when are we going to talk about the arts or science or what I want for my child? That tears it. I think we should have Scooter skip the state test this year.

(Curtain falls.)