One Big Family

Parents should at least be able to count on schools as their allies.

By Howard Good

My wife and I have—God bless them—four children, two boys and two girls, ranging in age—heaven help us!—from 11 to 20. While they may have come out of the same kitchen drawer, so to speak, they are as different from each other as knives from spoons, or can openers from corn holders. Nonetheless, we are bound by blood and duty to love each equally and give each an equal chance at happiness. Our situation isn't unlike that of a teacher confronting a classroom filled with students of varying abilities and interests. The teacher is expected to teach them all, the underachiever as well as the overachiever, the dim as well as the bright.

But how? My wife, a wise woman with an ironic sense of humor, believes that the key to raising children, especially teenagers, is to figure out what it is they want to do and then, if it is legal and under your credit card limit, advise them to do it. She claims this greatly reduces the risk of parental stroke.

And she may be right. Certainly when we tried to bend our oldest to our will, the results were less than impressive. He still got speeding tickets, still failed courses, still hung out with kids who looked like extras from a "Mad Max" movie. We finally realized we couldn't order him to grow up—or, rather, we could, but only at the cost of further eroding our already crumbling relationship with him. Yes, we are disappointed that he flunked out of one college and dropped out of another; yes, we are frustrated that he simply shrugs whenever we ask about his long-term plans. But we are also increasingly aware that life unfolds without much regard for parents' dreams and wishes. He will grow up; just on his...