Opinion
Families & the Community Opinion

Learning With Asperger’s: A Parent’s Perspective

By Anita S. Charles — March 27, 2012 5 min read
  • Save to favorites
  • Print

Imagine a world that goes something like this: To succeed according to societal norms of success, you must learn to do some things that are impossible. Yes, that’s right, I said impossible. And yet, somehow, you attempt the challenge because, after all, it’s the only way to succeed according to societal norms. And we all know how important success is.

To earn an A in English class, you must verbally deconstruct the symbolism in Robert Frost’s poem “Mending Wall” while your house is on fire and collapsing around your ears. C’mon, ignore the flames and the ceiling caving in and speak up! I can’t he-e-a-a-r you! Did I mention that everyone else around you is safe and sound, curled up in blankies with hot cocoa, and never a thought of a burning house? They’re doing fine, so get with the program.

To earn a B in math class, you must explain in writing precisely how you came by all of your correct answers—Show your work!—while plunging off a 100-foot cliff without a parachute. C’mon, don’t let a little breeze past your ears distract you from the larger purpose here. Oh yes, and everyone else around you? They are sitting safely on porch swings, dangling their legs happily as you fall.

BRIC ARCHIVE

To earn a decent grade in science class, you must participate with others in a lab (and confront the Bunsen burner glaring at you), and must write the lab partners’ names in full on the report, while you’re struggling up the face of Mount Everest, breath heavy, legs burning, toes succumbing to frostbite. And all of your classmates? You guessed it—they’re lounging in a hot tub in the Caribbean.

Are you in a wheelchair? To graduate from high school, we expect you to climb the front steps on your own two feet ... 20 times. Without falling. And don’t come whining to us about needing a ramp or a railing! If we did that for you, we’d have to do it for everyone, and you can see how unreasonable that would be. Pleeaasse. Enough of the excuses already.

Are you blind? You must take a visual arts class and be able to capture on paper perspective, color, shading, shape, and emotional depth. You will do so first in pen and ink, then in watercolor, and finally through photography and film. No, of course we won’t allow you to create three-dimensional models or find an alternative approach to the assignment!

OK, stop. Is your stomach in knots yet? Do you feel as if you’ve landed in a dystopian universe where basic human needs and common-sense decency are no longer standards to live by?

What I know ... is that inside my son, there's a fire raging every time he's asked to do something on this alien planet called school."

Guess what? This scenario is precisely what we ask our students with Asperger’s syndrome (commonly referred to as a type of high-functioning autism) to do every single day of their lives in K-12 schools across the country. Hey, it’s a social world out there, and you’d better learn to play the game by the same rules as everyone else. Right?

I have watched my brilliant 16-year-old son write entire hard-rock albums to capture nuances of character and theme in a complex Shakespearean work, yet earn barely a B on an oral presentation about Edgar Allan Poe.

I have seen him get perfect answers in math, only to lose many points for not “showing” the work adequately. (In elementary school, the start of the math troubles, he was sent back from the math enrichment classroom because he kept showing up without a pencil.) I have seen him freak out over tests based exclusively on corrected homework—that somehow didn’t manage to stay with his notebook, thereby earning him that toxic zero. Never mind the points lost for the disastrous notebook itself. (And this for a kid who was solving square roots in his head at the age of 5. Nowadays? “I can’t do math,” he tells me. What I tell him is that he’s perfectly capable of doing “math"—he just doesn’t “do school” as well.)

I have watched my son get a D on a science lab because he couldn’t express enough details, had too many crossed-out errors in his lab report, and didn’t list the full names of his lab partners.

And on and on and on. And on. The moments make me cry. But they make my son despair, disengage, melt down, care too much, or stop caring entirely. And I think, this is what we do to children? To brilliant, kind, compassionate, gentle children? All in the name of success?

See Also

See related Commentary:
I Am a Twice-Exceptional Student

What I know—because parents know, trust me—is that inside my son, there’s a fire raging every time he’s asked to do something on this alien planet called school, that he’s falling off cliffs and climbing mountains every single moment of every single day of his educational programming. Not to mix too many metaphors, but sometimes all of this is happening inside him all at once. And it freaks him out. It. Freaks. Him. Out. But guess what—he’s learned to try to hide his freakouts because they just freak out everyone else. So he has learned to react as “normally” as he can, given the circumstances.

Remarkably, and precisely how I can’t begin to know, he has learned in his 10-plus years of schooling that he is supposed to ignore the flames, simply face up to the falling, keep on climbing even with no breath or energy to do so—if he is to succeed like everyone else around him. And he’s smart enough to know that no one else seems to have these fires raging and free-falls happening, and he can’t explain what this feels like. He can only take yet another low mark for “group participation,” “eye contact,” “presentation,” “neatness,” “organization,” and try not to fall apart at the seams. (And space is too limited to begin to address the traumas of lunchroom, recess, pep rallies, substitute teachers, bells, fire drills, field trips, and bus rides.)

We have asked our “Aspies” to try to “figure out” the way school functions for too long. What would it take for the rest of us to try to “figure out” the way kids with Asperger’s function? What would it take to put a few ramps and railings in place, to find alternative assessments, to speak gently to these gentle souls and ask them what the world feels like to them? It’s not that difficult, honestly. And the gifts we uncover might astound us.

Author’s note: The scenarios described in this Commentary are representative of real experiences, but are not intended to portray specific teachers or classrooms. And, the good news is that many teachers can and do work hard to make school a safer place. These teachers often uncover gifts in themselves as well, and for that I am grateful.
A version of this article appeared in the March 28, 2012 edition of Education Week as Reciting Frost With the House on Fire

Events

Jobs Virtual Career Fair for Teachers and K-12 Staff
Find teaching jobs and other jobs in K-12 education at the EdWeek Top School Jobs virtual career fair.
Ed-Tech Policy Webinar Artificial Intelligence in Practice: Building a Roadmap for AI Use in Schools
AI in education: game-changer or classroom chaos? Join our webinar & learn how to navigate this evolving tech responsibly.
Education Webinar Developing and Executing Impactful Research Campaigns to Fuel Your Ed Marketing Strategy 
Develop impactful research campaigns to fuel your marketing. Join the EdWeek Research Center for a webinar with actionable take-aways for companies who sell to K-12 districts.

EdWeek Top School Jobs

Teacher Jobs
Search over ten thousand teaching jobs nationwide — elementary, middle, high school and more.
View Jobs
Principal Jobs
Find hundreds of jobs for principals, assistant principals, and other school leadership roles.
View Jobs
Administrator Jobs
Over a thousand district-level jobs: superintendents, directors, more.
View Jobs
Support Staff Jobs
Search thousands of jobs, from paraprofessionals to counselors and more.
View Jobs

Read Next

Families & the Community Opinion How Teachers Can Make Stronger Connections With Students' Caregivers
A new book explores what true collaboration between educators and student families looks like.
6 min read
Images shows colorful speech bubbles that say "Q," "&," and "A."
iStock/Getty
Families & the Community Opinion Why Educators Often Have It Wrong About Right-Leaning Parents
Stereotypes and misunderstandings keep educators from engaging constructively with conservative parents, write Rick Hess and Michael McShane.
Rick Hess & Michael McShane
5 min read
Two women look at each other from across a large chasm.
Mary Long/iStock + Education Week
Families & the Community Opinion Chronic Absenteeism Has Exploded. What Can Schools Do?
The key to addressing this issue is rebuilding the relationship between families and schools.
8 min read
Image shows a multi-tailed arrow hitting the bullseye of a target.
DigitalVision Vectors/Getty
Families & the Community Leader To Learn From Absenteeism Was a Big Problem in This District. A New Strategy Is Getting Results
Sharon Bradley remembers how it felt to miss school for reasons outside her control.
11 min read
Sharon Bradley, director of student, family and community services for Plano ISD, listens to members of the Character, Attendance, and Restorative Education (CARE) team discuss their current projects in Plano, Texas, on Dec. 14, 2023. The CARE department focuses on equipping students and adults with the tools, strategies, and resources that support a safe, engaging, and collaborative learning environment through character education, attendance recovery, and restorative practices.
Sharon Bradley, the director of student, family, and community services for the Plano, Texas, school district listens to staff members on a special team that focuses on helping students and their families address a range of challenges that may get in the way of regular attendance and engagement at school.
Shelby Tauber for Education Week